TRY HARD. TRY HARDER...NOT REALLY

Sometimes tarin knows, efforts have to be made, energies must be put into projects of all kinds, and things have to be planned, prepared and thought out, but then sometimes it’s really pointless to do this…

…Sometimes we put in effort, we use tonnes of energy, we start projects with these big ideas in our heads and we go for it great guns, and to be honest when it comes to some things, the truth is, that kind of thing is just too much, what we should be doing is we should be starting with small ideas and letting them grow naturally.

Years ago tarin wanted to be an awesome writer, he wanted people to like his work and for himself to be a regular blogger, but also to have a great website with all these F-A-B blogs and pictures that people enjoyed, he went a little crazy focusing on how awesome the site should look, how F-A-B the design should be, he wasn’t ever under the impression he would be some kinda superstar, even tarin himself isn’t that deluded, nor does he love himself in any way at all, to think he is worthy of such things., but he still hoped that he would gain a little following, that there would be some people who would like him and his writing and stuff, and by “little following” tarin means really little, like enough people to be able to keep up with, like ten or something stupid like that, maybe twenty people, tarin thought that his writings or whatever would have some meaning to someone else, maybe at least one someone else.

So tarin tried hard, too hard, he looked into all the crap professionals look into, he thought it would be so cool to have a “pro” website an awesome design, with all this SEO crap and tags and tabs and links and so much other rubbish besides, (stuff tarin doesn’t even understand for the most part) the thing is, after realising being a pro writer would never be a thing for him, which he realised like 15 - 20 years ago, he still wanted to try and have this pro site thing, and really all he was creating the whole time was a little personal site nothing pro at all.

All this time tarin was trying so hard in the hope that people would see something special about him, that humans would start to maybe like him, that they would visit his site and see he had a talent of some kind, so he stupidly tried all sorts of crap, sites with dozens of pages, crappily written articles, crappily made videos, and trying and failing dismally to use SEO and tags correctly and all that junk , he also looked into maybe learning to code stuff, but truthfully, tarin is not clever enough for that stuff and he knows it.

tarin realizes, now more than ever, that he is no entrepreneur, he is no writer of articles or stories, his poetry always has been and always would be (had he continued to write it ) kind of childish and lame. tarin is not a reviewer of games or books or manga or anime, nor is he an expert on politics or romance….and there are a whole load of other things that tarin is not, some he has tried to be others he hasn’t, which is why, when tarin has finished writing this blog, he will finish making adjustments to his site, he will remove some of the old blogs and start afresh .

Years ago tarin started with these huge ideas, and the idiotic thoughts that anything he wrote or photographed or shared or whatever, would actually matter to at least a small few, today he re-starts with the small idea that this is tarins website, the world through tarins eyes, and people are either gonna be interested or they ain’t, and while it’s true tarin is highly emotionally strung and he would love it if he mattered to some or at least someone, he will try not to let his emotions get in the way as they have done before. They probably will but he can try.

It may be that tarin does add other little bits to his site later, like links to his little shop things but in all honesty he really is thinking of dropping that, he may also add some of his vids he made for fun, but he won’t be trying too hard at all anymore, he’s just gonna roll with it and see where it goes, if it goes anywhere. tarin doesn’t look at this as quitting or giving up just as changing his direction and keeping it simple stupid rather than wanting to impress and inspire. tarin is just going to be tarin, with his own little personal website where he writes his feelings about stuff and where he shares stuff that he wants to share and is important for him to share.

Thank you for reading.

Take care

love from rin x