PET PEEVES. PET PEEVE ONE: THE PITY PARTY.

So yeah tarin has a list of pet peeves, the annoying little niggle things that put a bug up his butt that people do, say or whatever, tarin also is guilty of these pet peeves at some point in his life, but as he is trying to fit in at least a little with you humans and he shares your awesome planet if not your awesomeness, he feels no shame in being a little bit of a hypocrite from time to time.

These pet peeves blogs are gonna be coming up from time to time and they are not in any order of any kind, just ones tarin wants to write about whenever he feels like writing about them. With that said lets get started on todays pet peeve.

The pet peeve for today is “The Pity Party”. tarin has had a tough life, having been through multiple abuses at the hands of multiple people and there was a time he loved a pity party, he was an idiot, but the truth is whenever he told the dinner ladies at primary school or people at the child psych day centers or mostly anybody really, about the abuse he went through, he would get a lot of “oh you poor thing” and even the odd cuddle, and he loved it.

Cuddles at home were mostly none existent and after watching Sandra (biological mother) turn on her P.P.A.G.T. (Pity Party Attention Grabbing Technique) (mostly for the milkman, the vicar and any authority figure, especially males), tarin learned some tricks and words from her. so puppy eyes, sorrowful voice and magic words like “sexually abused” amongst others, and tarin put it to practice to get those cuddles elsewhere. The truth is tarin didn’t even know what “sexually abused” or the other words Sandra used, meant! he had no fucking clue! He just knew it got people to feel sorry for him and give him cuddles, Not Sandra or anyone had ever educated tarin or explained to him what the deal was.

So, a little history:The first time tarin had told Sandra about what Keith (biological father) had done to him, there was a black and white movie on the T.V, and this man and woman were snogging and tarin said excitedly “daddy does that with me”. Sandra told tarin to stop lying and basically that was that. The time she had to take tarin seriously though, well tarin and Keith were in the bathroom and Keith was sat on the loo his pants down and tarin was sat on his lap, bottom half naked, tarins little brother who was about 3 going on 4 at the time, came crawling up the stairs and Keith told him “come here _____ daddy wants to show you something”. so tarin got pissed off, jumped away from Keith and grabbed his little brother and slid down the wooden un-carpeted stairs on his butt with his brother on his lap and then stood up and ran away outside to hide little brother. daddy was tarins, and little brother was mummy’s, that’s the way it was. and that’s what got Keith caught. he got greedy and tarin got jealous. (no Sandra wasn’t abusing little brother to tarins knowledge, Sandra just seemed to like little brother better.)

The reason tarin told you that little history is so you understand that in truth, tarin didn’t really understand a goddam thing about his life as a child. He knew what had happened, but he didn’t know it was bad or illegal, he was just pissed Keith was bringing little brother in, in fact tarin was so clueless he was abused by two other males later when he was about seven and nine or something, something he didn’t tell Sandra about, because any time people showed tarin affection or just a little attention, Sandra did not like him getting attention because it was her that should get it, not him, but that’s another story, so when it came to the pity party thing, he just knew words like “daddy sexually abused me” got him sympathy and cuddles, in other words a pity party.

tarin is annoyed to inform you that this went on for some years, and the more new words he learned and the more he learned about what he was going through and had been through, the more effectively he was able to use them to get cuddles and or attention that he desired at the time. in short a pity party. he was even accused of “liking playing the victim”, which is only a half truth. it wasn’t that he liked being a victim, he just liked attention and cuddles and he had been taught, indirectly, the P.P.A.G.T. was the way to go.

So fast forward to his mid to late teens and tarin was starting to learn a horrible truth. the pity party wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, most of the “there, there, you poor thing.” bullshit people spake, was just that, bullshit. tarin was looking for cuddles and attention, but actually all he had ever got was bullshit.

Sometimes it was people trying to be kind and meaning well, sometimes it was people being dicks, but either way, it was always bullshit. Annoying, hurtful and soul crushing, bullshit.

It wasn’t long after that, that tarin thought, balls to this, tarin doesn’t want this crap. And pity parties became something he hated with a passion. Having a bad day and sharing it with friend and or family is fine, a little tea and sympathy is no bad thing, and tarin believes it’s actually rather healthy, like owd Bob would say “it’s good to talk!”. However the full on pity party. No thank you.

Now to recent yesterdays, today, and days yet to come , however many there may be, of tarins life.

Some may argue that tarin still does love a pity party, he threatens suicide, talks of suicide, he has mad meltdowns and goes all crazy. You may even call him a drama queen. You wouldn’t be wrong about the drama queen thing. Tarin has in the past been diagnosed with P.T.S.D. and Borderline Personality Disorder or as it is know here Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder, this means, that through no fault of his own, tarins emotions run a lot higher than many peoples, it is also not something tarin can control.

So in tarins opinion anyone with B.P.D/E.U.P.D. maybe even people living with Bipolar Disorder, we could, in laymans terms, be Medical Grade Drama Queens, what else is a drama queen if not an expresser of melodramatic emotion?, that’s what it says drama queen-ism is, in some dictionary on the web, the difference between us with the medical grade drama queen-ism and the ones just being drama queens for the sake of it, is we are not doing it on purpose to be dicks and we can’t always help much how we express if we can help it at all, it would also be good for you to remember we are not just over emotional with bad days but also good days too, we got tonnes of love to give as well as the stress we put you poor normies through.

So when you have a crappy day and talk about going home and sleeping until tomorrow, tarin will say, “fuck this,, gonna throw self under a bus”, and so you may think tarin is wanting a pity party and the “there there, we love you” bullshit starts. some people mean well others don’t but the thing is tarin was just venting and expressing, just in a different way to you, a more dramatic way because he is highly emotional, he’s not looking for a pity party, so either way, the lies hurt. tarin knows you don’t mean what you say. When tarin harms himself it’s usually because he is so crazed with emotion he doesn’t know what else to do, he’s not looking for a pity party, he has just lost control of his emotions.

tarin hates pity parties, pity parties are thrown by liars (well meaning or not) and those lies are believed by fools. it is that simple. tarins expressions of emotions are real and the only way he knows to express or cope, the lies of the pity party throwers are that, lies, and tarin is not fool enough to believe them.

At the end of the day a slap from a friend is better than a kiss from an enemy, and if you are someone who claims to care but you throw a pity party of lies for anyone you are their enemy not their friend,

that’s not to say you should belittle or be mean to someone over being a medical grade drama queen because of their high emotions, their emotionally unstable personality disorder, or whatever is going on, it just means, if you are their friend, if you care, as hard work as we can be, we just need to be understood a little better. And the reason tarin says “we” is because there are lots of us that people throw pity parties for, who don’t like them. Reaching an understanding is key here. Saying that, it’s different horses for different courses so maybe some do like the pity party, however tarin is not one of them.

have a great day, love and best wishes,

from, tarin. xx