PET PEEVES. PET PEEVE ONE: THE PITY PARTY.

So yeah tarin has a list of pet peeves, the annoying little niggle things that put a bug up his butt that people do, say or whatever, tarin also is guilty of these pet peeves at some point in his life, but as he is trying to fit in at least a little with you humans and he shares your awesome planet if not your awesomeness, he feels no shame in being a little bit of a hypocrite from time to time.

These pet peeves blogs are gonna be coming up from time to time and they are not in any order of any kind, just ones tarin wants to write about whenever he feels like writing about them. With that said lets get started on todays pet peeve.

The pet peeve for today is “The Pity Party”. tarin has had a tough life, having been through multiple abuses at the hands of multiple people and there was a time he loved a pity party, he was an idiot, but the truth is whenever he told the dinner ladies at primary school or people at the child psych day centers or mostly anybody really, about the abuse he went through, he would get a lot of “oh you poor thing” and even the odd cuddle, and he loved it.

Cuddles at home were mostly none existent and after watching Sandra (biological mother) turn on her P.P.A.G.T. (Pity Party Attention Grabbing Technique) (mostly for the milkman, the vicar and any authority figure, especially males), tarin learned some tricks and words from her. so puppy eyes, sorrowful voice and magic words like “sexually abused” amongst others, and tarin put it to practice to get those cuddles elsewhere. The truth is tarin didn’t even know what “sexually abused” or the other words Sandra used, meant! he had no fucking clue! He just knew it got people to feel sorry for him and give him cuddles, Not Sandra or anyone had ever educated tarin or explained to him what the deal was.

So, a little history:The first time tarin had told Sandra about what Keith (biological father) had done to him, there was a black and white movie on the T.V, and this man and woman were snogging and tarin said excitedly “daddy does that with me”. Sandra told tarin to stop lying and basically that was that. The time she had to take tarin seriously though, well tarin and Keith were in the bathroom and Keith was sat on the loo his pants down and tarin was sat on his lap, bottom half naked, tarins little brother who was about 3 going on 4 at the time, came crawling up the stairs and Keith told him “come here _____ daddy wants to show you something”. so tarin got pissed off, jumped away from Keith and grabbed his little brother and slid down the wooden un-carpeted stairs on his butt with his brother on his lap and then stood up and ran away outside to hide little brother. daddy was tarins, and little brother was mummy’s, that’s the way it was. and that’s what got Keith caught. he got greedy and tarin got jealous. (no Sandra wasn’t abusing little brother to tarins knowledge, Sandra just seemed to like little brother better.)

The reason tarin told you that little history is so you understand that in truth, tarin didn’t really understand a goddam thing about his life as a child. He knew what had happened, but he didn’t know it was bad or illegal, he was just pissed Keith was bringing little brother in, in fact tarin was so clueless he was abused by two other males later when he was about seven and nine or something, something he didn’t tell Sandra about, because any time people showed tarin affection or just a little attention, Sandra did not like him getting attention because it was her that should get it, not him, but that’s another story, so when it came to the pity party thing, he just knew words like “daddy sexually abused me” got him sympathy and cuddles, in other words a pity party.

tarin is annoyed to inform you that this went on for some years, and the more new words he learned and the more he learned about what he was going through and had been through, the more effectively he was able to use them to get cuddles and or attention that he desired at the time. in short a pity party. he was even accused of “liking playing the victim”, which is only a half truth. it wasn’t that he liked being a victim, he just liked attention and cuddles and he had been taught, indirectly, the P.P.A.G.T. was the way to go.

So fast forward to his mid to late teens and tarin was starting to learn a horrible truth. the pity party wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, most of the “there, there, you poor thing.” bullshit people spake, was just that, bullshit. tarin was looking for cuddles and attention, but actually all he had ever got was bullshit.

Sometimes it was people trying to be kind and meaning well, sometimes it was people being dicks, but either way, it was always bullshit. Annoying, hurtful and soul crushing, bullshit.

It wasn’t long after that, that tarin thought, balls to this, tarin doesn’t want this crap. And pity parties became something he hated with a passion. Having a bad day and sharing it with friend and or family is fine, a little tea and sympathy is no bad thing, and tarin believes it’s actually rather healthy, like owd Bob would say “it’s good to talk!”. However the full on pity party. No thank you.

Now to recent yesterdays, today, and days yet to come , however many there may be, of tarins life.

Some may argue that tarin still does love a pity party, he threatens suicide, talks of suicide, he has mad meltdowns and goes all crazy. You may even call him a drama queen. You wouldn’t be wrong about the drama queen thing. Tarin has in the past been diagnosed with P.T.S.D. and Borderline Personality Disorder or as it is know here Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder, this means, that through no fault of his own, tarins emotions run a lot higher than many peoples, it is also not something tarin can control.

So in tarins opinion anyone with B.P.D/E.U.P.D. maybe even people living with Bipolar Disorder, we could, in laymans terms, be Medical Grade Drama Queens, what else is a drama queen if not an expresser of melodramatic emotion?, that’s what it says drama queen-ism is, in some dictionary on the web, the difference between us with the medical grade drama queen-ism and the ones just being drama queens for the sake of it, is we are not doing it on purpose to be dicks and we can’t always help much how we express if we can help it at all, it would also be good for you to remember we are not just over emotional with bad days but also good days too, we got tonnes of love to give as well as the stress we put you poor normies through.

So when you have a crappy day and talk about going home and sleeping until tomorrow, tarin will say, “fuck this,, gonna throw self under a bus”, and so you may think tarin is wanting a pity party and the “there there, we love you” bullshit starts. some people mean well others don’t but the thing is tarin was just venting and expressing, just in a different way to you, a more dramatic way because he is highly emotional, he’s not looking for a pity party, so either way, the lies hurt. tarin knows you don’t mean what you say. When tarin harms himself it’s usually because he is so crazed with emotion he doesn’t know what else to do, he’s not looking for a pity party, he has just lost control of his emotions.

tarin hates pity parties, pity parties are thrown by liars (well meaning or not) and those lies are believed by fools. it is that simple. tarins expressions of emotions are real and the only way he knows to express or cope, the lies of the pity party throwers are that, lies, and tarin is not fool enough to believe them.

At the end of the day a slap from a friend is better than a kiss from an enemy, and if you are someone who claims to care but you throw a pity party of lies for anyone you are their enemy not their friend,

that’s not to say you should belittle or be mean to someone over being a medical grade drama queen because of their high emotions, their emotionally unstable personality disorder, or whatever is going on, it just means, if you are their friend, if you care, as hard work as we can be, we just need to be understood a little better. And the reason tarin says “we” is because there are lots of us that people throw pity parties for, who don’t like them. Reaching an understanding is key here. Saying that, it’s different horses for different courses so maybe some do like the pity party, however tarin is not one of them.

have a great day, love and best wishes,

from, tarin. xx

TRY HARD. TRY HARDER...NOT REALLY

Sometimes tarin knows, efforts have to be made, energies must be put into projects of all kinds, and things have to be planned, prepared and thought out, but then sometimes it’s really pointless to do this…

…Sometimes we put in effort, we use tonnes of energy, we start projects with these big ideas in our heads and we go for it great guns, and to be honest when it comes to some things, the truth is, that kind of thing is just too much, what we should be doing is we should be starting with small ideas and letting them grow naturally.

Years ago tarin wanted to be an awesome writer, he wanted people to like his work and for himself to be a regular blogger, but also to have a great website with all these F-A-B blogs and pictures that people enjoyed, he went a little crazy focusing on how awesome the site should look, how F-A-B the design should be, he wasn’t ever under the impression he would be some kinda superstar, even tarin himself isn’t that deluded, nor does he love himself in any way at all, to think he is worthy of such things., but he still hoped that he would gain a little following, that there would be some people who would like him and his writing and stuff, and by “little following” tarin means really little, like enough people to be able to keep up with, like ten or something stupid like that, maybe twenty people, tarin thought that his writings or whatever would have some meaning to someone else, maybe at least one someone else.

So tarin tried hard, too hard, he looked into all the crap professionals look into, he thought it would be so cool to have a “pro” website an awesome design, with all this SEO crap and tags and tabs and links and so much other rubbish besides, (stuff tarin doesn’t even understand for the most part) the thing is, after realising being a pro writer would never be a thing for him, which he realised like 15 - 20 years ago, he still wanted to try and have this pro site thing, and really all he was creating the whole time was a little personal site nothing pro at all.

All this time tarin was trying so hard in the hope that people would see something special about him, that humans would start to maybe like him, that they would visit his site and see he had a talent of some kind, so he stupidly tried all sorts of crap, sites with dozens of pages, crappily written articles, crappily made videos, and trying and failing dismally to use SEO and tags correctly and all that junk , he also looked into maybe learning to code stuff, but truthfully, tarin is not clever enough for that stuff and he knows it.

tarin realizes, now more than ever, that he is no entrepreneur, he is no writer of articles or stories, his poetry always has been and always would be (had he continued to write it ) kind of childish and lame. tarin is not a reviewer of games or books or manga or anime, nor is he an expert on politics or romance….and there are a whole load of other things that tarin is not, some he has tried to be others he hasn’t, which is why, when tarin has finished writing this blog, he will finish making adjustments to his site, he will remove some of the old blogs and start afresh .

Years ago tarin started with these huge ideas, and the idiotic thoughts that anything he wrote or photographed or shared or whatever, would actually matter to at least a small few, today he re-starts with the small idea that this is tarins website, the world through tarins eyes, and people are either gonna be interested or they ain’t, and while it’s true tarin is highly emotionally strung and he would love it if he mattered to some or at least someone, he will try not to let his emotions get in the way as they have done before. They probably will but he can try.

It may be that tarin does add other little bits to his site later, like links to his little shop things but in all honesty he really is thinking of dropping that, he may also add some of his vids he made for fun, but he won’t be trying too hard at all anymore, he’s just gonna roll with it and see where it goes, if it goes anywhere. tarin doesn’t look at this as quitting or giving up just as changing his direction and keeping it simple stupid rather than wanting to impress and inspire. tarin is just going to be tarin, with his own little personal website where he writes his feelings about stuff and where he shares stuff that he wants to share and is important for him to share.

Thank you for reading.

Take care

love from rin x

Her Majship the Queen

Everyone knows the Queen has passed, the whole world and their wife has written a blog or a song or a poem, and so many lined up to see her coffin.

It’s not that tarin disrespects the Queen on the contrary, he loved the Queen, when he was a kid he was so jealous of the royal brats because he wanted the Queen to be his grandma.

Tarin was in the cubs and every badge he earned he earned for the Queen, but here he is now, without a poem or a song, here he is and he couldn't watch the funeral,, is it because he can’t believe the Queen has died? No it isn’t that, although he will confess to struggling with that reality a little.

No the reason tarin couldn't watch is because of what happened in Scotland, now don’t get tarin wrong, he loves Scotland how could anyone not? It's just that at the service, tarin thinks that God and Jesus were mentioned more than Elizabeth Queen, it felt like God and Jesus names were said more, like the service was more of a bloody Sunday effing service than a memorial to our Queen.

Tarin is aware the Queen was religious and that that religion was important to her, tarin has grown up for 46 years with the Queen ever present, so of course he knows her religion was important, and tarin is not against religion in the slightest, but when they turn the death of someone, the funeral of someone, anyone, into nothing but a list of bloody sermons and forever mention God and Jesus, and barely mention the deceased it annoys the hell out of tarin..

And so that is why tarin couldn’t watch the service, it’ was gonna be a bloody media circus for God and Jesus again, tarin was sure of it, and the Queen was going to be all but ignored, an afterthought, so Tarin decided to just remember the Queen his way.

What Boris Really Said...

So Politics is not tarins favourite thing in the world, yet recently he has found himself talking a lot about it, either in a blog or general chit chat with the few neighbours that actually speak to tarin, and it seems to tarin, every day he is reading in the news or on some website about what the conservatives are doing and saying.

Today though tarin heard something and he doesn’t know whether to laugh at the crap spewed, or cry. Apparently the fearless Prime Minister, Boris Johnson said “We in government will do everything we can to help people..” oh yes tarin is sure they will, tarin also heard the words the prime minister didn’t say but where there, hanging in the air pretending to be invisible.

what the Prime Minister really said was “we in government will do everything we can to help people… like in covid when we told you you can not gather and we had parties at number ten and how we helped then, like how we told you not to travel yet travelled ourselves, like we told you you cant be with sick and dying relatives yet we could be with whoever, whenever we wanted, this is the same situation, we will help all we can like we did then, which is to say, we will mostly help ourselves and say pretty words about helping you while we stay warm while you and your family freezes, we will eat the finest food while you struggle to make ends meet and feed your babies, we will shop ‘til we drop, buying the finest italian suits, while you walk around needing new clothes for you and your families but cant afford them. We will have our nice, big warm houses and take our holiday while you all struggle to live at all, on top of that we won’t give a toss about refugees, we’ll only pretend we care about the problems of Russia attacking the Ukraine while we use their little spat as a scapegoat for our own fuck ups including brexit and the millions and billions we wasted during covid which are the real causes of our problems,”

So yeah,, that is pretty much what Boris said.

Tarin , right now is hating the government so much he is wishing someone will just channel Guy Fawkes and get rid of Bojo and his merry band of miscreants and morons for us. Tarin doesn’t know what else to say except his frustration with this government is beyond anything he has ever experienced in his whole life. This government is the worst there has ever been, this country is in a worse state than anyone could have imagined possible and frankly tarin wonders how long it will be before things change for the better, and he has to hope they will.

goodnight

love from tarin.

xxx

SOON ONLY THE RICH WILL STAY WARM.

We say that a lot don’t we? only the rich this and only the rich that, and sometimes when we say stuff like that, what we are really doing is feeling sorry for ourselves, or maybe we are a little bit jealous because someone has got something we want ourselves, a little bit of envy, the green eyed monster, it’s allowed, there’s no shame in it, and the ever wise around us would say “get a better job” or “work harder” or “get another job” or “manage your money better.” and you know what, sometimes they aren’t wrong…but this is not one of those times, this time they would be very wrong.

The cost of living has gone up dramatically over the years, tarin remembers when a can of most of the well known branded colas, Pepsi and Coca, here’s looking at you kids, was like 30 pence now some people charge up to one pound, and some people would say “well you don’t need coke, it’s a luxury.”, tarin knows there are some people that would disagree, meet a diabetic and ask them why and how.

But “luxuries” aside everyone has been going on about energy recently and how it costs so much, how some people could barely afford it before the price hike, tarin understands, tarin is on pre-paid meters and it can be a pain to keep up and it’s not good when you miscalculate and end up without gas and electric for a few days, for some people though it’s not miscalculation, it’s not bad budgeting, it’s lack of money, crappy pay, extortionate prices on practically everything, and a screwed up government along with a bunch of broken promises and greedy jerks.

tarin doesn’t understand. When solar panels became available to the public and stuff, we were told they would slash our energy bills to practically nothing, everything would be better, cheaper and we would be better off, that was years and years ago, if this is true, why are some people re-living the ice age? why is it the cost of energy is so much higher than when we were using coal almost everywhere all the time years ago? tarin just doesn’t get it. why is it in this new age, that people who are vulnerable have to wear half a dozen sweaters, joggers under their jeans and about a dozen pairs of socks just to get warm?

tarin has a little story for ya. When he was a very young teen, tarin had his own little pad in Lancashire, he had been in the care system and now was free, yay for independence, but the thing was even back then it was a bit of a struggle to get by and one day tarin ran out of electric. A person, who shall remain nameless, helped tarin out, they did something a little naughty, this person was a damned criminal, always stealing stereo’s and crap, they were a crook but a nice crook, they had a heart of gold and would help anyone…and not for a price….unlike the government…anyway this person did something with a piece of, tarin thinks it was that weird aerial lead thingy we used to use in the age just after stone, anyway they bypassed the system and tarin had free electric for about three days until he got some money to buy some.

Later tarin discovered lot’s of people in the area knew that little hack and used it, and tarin is wondering if that little hack can still be done today, because in all honesty if there is a hack that can give you some free electric then tarin thinks he wouldn’t blame anyone for using it…as long as they dont put their lives or others lives at risk doing it. But in all truth, if ever there was a time to screw over the system that provides energy, it is now, and everyone should be doing it…everyone…the more people screwing over the energy companies, the better, then maybe the con merchants will listen and cut prices. Now okay tarin is being naughty even suggesting this and he should really not be saying it, but you know what, as long as no one is hurt tarin doesn’t give a fuck.

The fact of the matter is, the title of tarins blog is not just some dream or nightmare that may or may not happen, the fact is it is already happening, more and more people are fighting to stay warm, and it is no exaggeration to say some of the more vulnerable are fighting for their lives and they are desperately in need of a save here, and tarin is desperate for them too. tarin feels empathy for some because of his own health issues, but for most he couldn’t even begin to understand how they feel, or what they are going through, thanks to his issues and his life experiences of working with elderly, when he was able to work, tarin is very aware of how bad it was years ago and how much more terrible it must be for them now, and who doesn’t have to deal with the problems these people face? the rich, the well to do, the government and their cronies, the energy providers, and the fact is they don’t give a damn, none of them care, so if you are kidding yourself that they do, please wake from your delusion.

So tarin is going to say it once again, if people were to start stealing energy he wouldn’t blame them in the slightest, he doesn’t think it’s the best idea, and wouldn’t encourage people to do it if it put theirs or others lives at risk, but he still wouldn’t blame them.

There are some people that would say “use your votes”, apparently there’s some voting thing happening soon, but, even though tarin is a labour supporter, he is honestly not sure votes would be enough, this is as much the energy companies greed as it is the governments’ inaction, this as much the fact cats in industry as it is the stupid tw*ts in parliament. We need more than votes, someone needs to rally the troops and to start a war against the government and the industrial fat cats. that’s just tarins thoughts though. maybe he is wrong, but he is getting frustrated, angry and upset by horror stories of people suffering because of this.

tarin thanks you for reading, take care of you. be safe, be well.

love tarin.

TARIN MADE IT A LITTLE NICER

tarin has now finished setting up the new look LTWAE.net …at least he thinks he has. He has been playing around with the site and he kinda likes it, the background colours are supposed to be warm and soothing at the same time hence the pastel type look attempt. now if tarin could just create some interesting content…

Well whatever, if you do visit tarins site and read it and stuff, thank you, tarin hopes you like it and the new look for it, if you have constructive criticism that’s fine tarin likes that because it is helpful, if you just have criticism go away and be mean somewhere else. troll a board made for trolls on some other website.

Also tarin is looking for suggestions on making the chair at his computer/crafting desk more comfy, right now his butt is hurting, this is usually the case after sitting on this chair for more than five minutes, it would seem tarins butt likes only the softest furnishings. His butt is a fussy arse and a wussy butt.

Okayyyy enough about tarins butt, have a great day and thank you for reading, bye bye for now.

Love ya, mean it.

taarin

xxx